Co-dependence Independence

How to break free The cycle of codependency in relationships can be so strong that it is invisible to those involved. We may be so trapped in invisible roles that this cycle did not start in our current relationships at all. It may have started in childhood when we interpreted a strong relationship as love, and that relationship was also built on this same cycle. This cycle is a triangle of role exchange, known as the Karpman Triangle. The three roles are Victim, Persecutor, and Rescuer.

• The Victim feels persecuted, which allows the Rescuer to step in and help.

• Then, the roles in the triangle can flip, with the Rescuer becoming the Persecutor, the Persecutor becoming the Victim, and the Victim becoming the Rescuer.

I have participated in this cycle many times in my own life, and I have had countless discussions with others who have experienced it as well. In my reading lately, this theory has repeated itself, so I wanted to share it. Here are some questions I asked myself:

• How did I learn to participate in this cycle?

• How can I find forgiveness for myself, so I need not feel ashamed of the relationships I am in, and how I may continue to honor them in a cycle of wholeness? Meaning we are two equal people having an argument, not two people reliving a pattern.

I generalize this cycle like this, because this cycle repeats in every which way, in so many relationships. What questions could you ask yourself to support yourself in changing this cycle? Here are some questions that you could ask yourself:

• What are my triggers? What are the situations or people that tend to trigger me into playing one of the roles in the triangle?

• What are my needs? What needs are not being met in my relationships that lead me to play one of the roles in the triangle?

• What are my boundaries? What boundaries do I need to set in order to protect myself from being manipulated or controlled by others?

• What are my strengths? What are the strengths that I can use to assert myself in a healthy way?

• What are my resources? What resources are available to me to help me break the cycle of codependency?

It is important to remember that changing the Karpman Triangle cycle takes time and effort. Be patient with yourself and celebrate your progress along the way. Codependency is a complex issue, but it is possible to break free from the cycle. By asking yourself the right questions and seeking the necessary support like hiring a coach like me, and you can learn to build healthier relationships.